Ethical non-monogamy … not for the faint of heart.
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Did you watch Louis Theroux last night?… he was exploring polyamory, aka ethical non monogamy. It’s a subject that gets covered fairly often in the media, as a non threatening curious niche, I can remember at least a couple of articles in the guardian. Or maybe it’s false memory flashbacks from You Me Her.
Louis is very perceptive and highly trustable. People open up to him, they can be themselves, but so far there’s nothing new to be learned here. Polyamory works for some people, less so for others, and not at all for almost everyone. As Luis explores it becomes apparent the relationships ‘work’ in different ways for different members of the same relationship. In at least one instance, it works for one of the three completely, and works partly for the other two. The power dynamics may add up to 100%, but the split seems like 50 / 20 / 30 , if that makes sense. Is there anything new to be learned here? So far, not really. Louis is being coy, or pretending to be, asking about the mechanics of sex. Amanda Nick and Bob, the IT workers, seems to have scripted an unorthodox sex life, but it works for them. Is there longevity in most of these scenarios? Probably not. A lot of their time is spent negotiating the dynamics of the set up. It reminds me of vegans, or raw foodies, whereby the choice of lifestyle becomes the core around which every other component satellites.
I bet it’s never boring anyway. Certainly for the guy struggling because his female partner, due to give birth in three months, has fallen in love with another guy. Happy processsing.
The IT trio, a thruple, seem to have got it most functional, the female is definitely the boss… she’s lived with anxiety and depression most of her adult life, perhaps this is an ideal scenario, the love and security of two men…. hmmm looking at the common denominator amongst all the trios and moresomes, the female is doing best out of the situations…
Apart from the woman he’s now interviewing, sharing her husband, and it’s not working great, looks like divorce in slow motion. Enjoying the other person enjoying themselves has some limits apparently.
There’s a lot of ‘wanting the partner to be as happy as possible’. Therefor putting that persons happiness before their own. And that being the basis for the polyamory.
A sensual eating group looks … actually quite fun, Luis representing the slightly embarrassed Brit to a tea.
No one is responsible for anyone else’s feelings apparently. Even when their behaviour is directly causing those feelings. This is the selfishness of polyamory, the perception that one is responsible for ones own self, feelings, and happiness. True, if you want it to be true. But that’s not what marriage is about, for sure.
The pregnant woman gives birth. They decide not to give the baby a gender.
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